50th Birthday Jokes - Fifty

A collection of 50th Birthday Jokes

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You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

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You know you’re 50 when you start taking half of a Viagra so you don’t pee on your shoes.

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You know you’re 50 when you sign off your tweets with OMMR – On My Massage Recliner.

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First you forget names,
then you forget faces,
then you forget to pull your zipper up,
then you forget to pull your zipper down.
- Leo Rosenberg

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Now that you’ve turned 50, you can stop calling them “laugh lines.” Nothing is that funny.

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Fifty is the age you find out that Victoria’s secret was that nobody your age can fit into a thong.

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When he turned 50, Fred decided to get a complete physical. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said, But you know Doc, God must know my eyesight is going because he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I’m done.” After Fred left, the doctor called his wife and told her what Fred said. She diagnosed the problem for him. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again.”

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Don’t be depressed about turning 50 – you’re still young enough to do the things you really want to. So go ahead and put your adult kids up for adoption.